Day in the life of Deborah Gray…
6.10am Wake up to alarm, groan, “I can’t do this”, listen out for house mate to get out of the shower, running through in my mind what seems to be the impossible list of things to do before the day is out. It is my last day at work before taking leave and a whole load of things were dumped on my desk the day before that needed me to make decisions on. I’m tired and would much rather roll over and pretend I’m already on holiday. This procrastination means I finally roll out of bed at 6:50am and I decide to put a chirpier head on and invite God into my day. Chat to God in the shower about whatever is on my mind, get ready for work and run out of the house to catch the train. I love this journey, my commute takes an hour on train, foot and metro and it’s the part of the day that I get to chat to God, perhaps listen to some worship music or read a book, right now I’m reading ‘safest place on earth’ by Larry Crabb, its all about a spirit filled life and a spirit filled community, I’ve been finding that I will read a bit and then ask God what that looks like for me. I have to say that this morning I’m not really up for Larry, and opt for skim reading the free newspaper, whilst in reality haphazardly trying to surrender my day to God. I know it is a day that has the potential to get me stressed and I want to instead lean on God and see things for what they really are.
As I get on the tram I bump into a new friend of mine who works in the same building as me but who I have got to know on my tram journey’s. A couple of weeks ago God had nudged me about asking her to join my book club even though I didn’t know her that well. She now has joined my book club and she also has come out with me and a few church friends to the ‘rush hour blues’ at the symphony hall last Friday. She’s asking me about my holiday and I return the question, this leads to me asking her a bit about her Buddhist faith, she is always asking me about church so I equally wanted to hear what’s important to her. We arrive at work and go our separate ways.
I walk upstairs and say hi to people in my team, have a chat with one colleague who has had a few days off, before starting my work. First job of the day is to discuss some cases with other colleagues in the building, I don’t have good news and I know there is the potential for them to become defensive, they are clearly not happy but in the conversation I have sought not to react to this and tried to acknowledge and value their perspective. It is important to me to be fair whilst needing to stick to a decision that has taken everything into account. I catch my mindset slipping into fear of what they think of me and remember that that was my previous way of thinking, my security comes through my identity in Christ and anyway, they know I’m just doing my job and I have built up a good rapport with staff since I’ve been there. I take a moment to regroup and then get a phone call from an old colleague, “instead of lunch can we meet now? “ Decision to put stress of work to one side and give sometime to my colleague over a cuppa. She is at a crossroads in her life and we have had many conversations over the last year, last summer I was reading the Tim Keller’s Prodigal God book and I couldn’t get her out of my head. I had mulled over whether to buy her the book for a while and had finally bought it for her as a Christmas present, this was the first time I had seen her properly since before Christmas. As she finished describing her situation it just felt like the right moment so I gave it to her, she looked at it and hugged it to her for the rest of our conversation like it was hope to cling onto – which in reality it is. As we get up to leave I give her a big hug and she said she would definitely read it, she looked like she was about to cry.
I go back to the office and defuse an escalating argument over the email between two colleagues. In reality I am thinking that I could do without this on a day like today. I have practice supervision later in the day with two people in my team and I need to concentrate on my observation notes, whilst I am feeling pressured, what I write impacts them so I again want to be constructive and fair. I need to focus and need a bit of perspective and so plug in my ipod and listen to a few lines of a worship song and ask God to help me, I then focus and get loads done. The day goes on much like this, supervision goes well, I have facilitated my colleagues to identify practice they are pleased with which gets them motivated and I can see them talk with enthusiasm. This puts them in a place to receive some constructive feedback which they are able to take on board graciously.
I return to my desk to work through the pile of referrals that has grown since the morning, I touch base with the colleague who is covering me while I am off and finally tie up all the loose ends. I leave work an hour late, but to be honest considering it all, that’s good and whilst I did have my moments, it had helped to include God in the stressful moments. I’m thinking this as I head to the tram stop, it’s to the cricket ground I now head for the evening. After setting up I enjoy good conversation with people that are on Freedom in Christ and Alpha. There is an amazing atmosphere and people are getting to know each other and sharing in each other’s lives over food. I realise that rather than feeling tired, I feel light and peaceful. In Freedom in Christ, I am encouraged by hearing stories from everyone; of grappling with truth, of changes they are beginning to see and things they find it hard to get their heads around. I share a bit about things I used to find hard and realise just how far God has taken me.
As I leave Freedom in Christ I get a text from the friend I saw earlier, it said she had already read the intro and chapter one of the book, she was reading it whilst also watching a programme on infinity and the big bang, she said that the book made more sense.
What does this have to do with rescue? Well I am reminded that God has rescued me not only for eternity but he has rescued me from fear of failure and of what people think. Today really challenged those areas, but God graciously showed me he was quite able to deal with it. And in all that he amazingly puts people in my path who I can talk to and relate to, who I can be friends with, who might just want to know about the God that is so important to me.
